So the beginning of Yettember started off pretty rough, who am I kidding… extremely rough. The only thing that kept me together was my Aunt who flew in from the UK to visit me and then my friends who stayed with me for the weekend of my birthday.
pres·sure
/’preSHur/
Noun: The continuous physical force exerted on or against an object by something in contact with it.
Verb: Attempt to persuade or coerce (someone) into doing something: “it might now be possible to pressure him into resigning”.
That’s the dictionary definition. The Yetti definition is as follows:
pres·sure
/’preSHur/
Noun: The world’s expectations sitting on my head, neck and shoulders. Sometimes can be seen wrapped around my ankles and wrists
I can already hear the sighs and murmurs now: “What the hell is Yetti ranting about now? Yetti you’re worrying about nothing. You’re doing too much.” But hear me out before one cues in the cliche consoling statements. This may be something you and I both should be concerned with as I know I am not the only person that feels this way sometimes.
I think I’ve made it pretty obvious but I’m starting to feel pressured… and it’s coming from all sorts of directions. It finally boiled over on my birthday around 6:30AM when I sat on my bathroom floor and balled my eyes out to my father while he was on his way to work. A simple “Happy Birthday, my baby is 24″ completely pushed my emotions over the edge and that feeling of being stuck has been plastered in the back of my mind ever since.
Truth: I am 20-something-year-old trying so so so hard to enjoy being me, enjoy living in the now while trying to figure out what and who I want to be.
False: I am perfect, care-free new professional living the life in New York City and taking the world by storm.
Pressure to be perfect and well put together, pressure to be carefree and wild in NYC, pressure to always do the right thing.
Yes, I live in NYC. Yes, I’m still pretty new to corporate America. Yes, I am ambitious. And, yes I lost some weight. But I’m still confused, scared of my next step, and still adjusting to the weight-loss. I don’t always do the right thing, and if I do I assure you it probably wasn’t intentional. I too struggle with completing goals, and making decisions that are best for my well being (and sanity). I’m nowhere near perfect, and the fact that certain people think I am… scares me and makes me feel as though I should be doing better than what I am doing to keep up with these expectations. Countless times I have gotten compliments from readers saying, “you’re so brave, you’re heading the right the direction”… but I’m not really that brave and who knows if I am going in the right direction.
Then there are those who constantly expect me to fail, or that reference the old me as if they’re reciting scriptures. I feel pressured to constantly prove that I have improved… but improved in what exactly? And I know I shouldn’t surround myself with such people but I just need to prove to something to them… though they’re practically non-factors (or should be).
When does the pressure let up? Or does it?
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Hey Yetti – just my two cents here… but personally I find I’m the happiest when the pressure comes from me and me alone. And then that pressure has some moderation to it.
External pressure sucks because it’s a constantly shifting target. And besides, I don’t want to be the version of Mary Beth that they want. I want me to be the best ME I can be. So I try hard to ignore all those people. (And that’s a challenge in and of itself. I’m such a people pleaser!)
As for internal pressure – that has to be moderated too. I want to be the best me possible, but I also want to be realistic and happy. So, I set myself attainable small goals. (Lose 5 lbs by next month, complete this portion of this work project on time as much as it’s under my control, spend less time on facebook and more time with family this week, write down 3 lessons learned from that last project that didn’t go well, and implement 1 practical step for each lesson to improve in the future.) instead of the huge end goals (Be awesome at everything. Fix everything. Succeed at everything.)
Anyway, that’s just how I manage the pressure. I hope that’s helpful.
As for being brave and in the right direction… my mom always tells me there is no such thing as a right direction. There’s the direction you’re on. So I say you just do it. Acknowledge that you’re missing out on somethings and have advantages in other areas, and try to have the least regrets… but there will still *be* regrets. No matter what you choose you are automatically not choosing the alternatives. That doesn’t make it right or wrong.
Makes complete sense Mary-Beth, I think my issue is i can’t turn off /tune out the outside pressure, but I am going to learn to do it somehow. Thank you so much for the tips
P.S. Your mom is a wise-woman!
My dear Yetti,
If nobody else feels you, you know I do. We’ve had a few talks and even though I’m not completely on my own yet, people tell me I’m going in the right direction even though I feel like I’m not going anywhere right now. All we can do is be the best us we can be. Being in yours 20s is an amazing, yet confusing and frustrating time. I just wish we could make sense of all of it. Life is really a trip. SMH If you never need to talk one on one, know that I’m here.